By Missy Garcia
As a woman you were probably fed many lies like me, ones that were designed to keep you silent, small, subservient and submissive. Lies that were designed to make us believe that we were made for men, to please them, to serve them and to deny ourselves of what brings us pleasure.
Now, this is not an anti-men conversation, as they have been fed many lies too, but this is a conversation geared towards women to help you see a slightly different perspective and to talk about the possibilities that sex and pleasure can open up for us.
When we ignore our “no” or not speak our desires we are shutting down our voices, our throat and keeping ourselves silent. This will lead to more silence over time. It allows weaker and weaker boundaries to develop and we start becoming a ‘yes’ machine.
We start saying yes before even thinking about whether it is a true yes or not first. When it is not a true ‘yes’, you start feeling it draining your energy, you feel disconnected from your true self and locked out from what speaking your truth even looks or feels like any more.
Now, here is where changing this story and connecting into your sexuality is beneficial…your throat and your pelvic floor are connected, so when you open with your sexuality, boundaries, desires and voice your pleasure this will naturally get your own voice rocking once more.
How the lies we were told around sex keeps you small.
What about the lie that pleasure is for your partner. This thought process is automatically training you to give your power away. It keeps you small.
When we are waiting for our partner to give us pleasure, or we are trying to fill the role of pleasure giver for them, it strips us of the power we possess. Pleasure is our birthright as women and so often we have been trained to be afraid of it, to deny it and to make it wrong in every which way.
I work for and envision a world where women are so connected into their pleasure that we are all on fire because of it. Pleasure can become you super power if you allow it. And if you embody your super power as the magnetic, radiant, powerful, creative being you are then there is no way you are going to stay small.
Being Subservient & Submissive as a Woman
Let’s tie the next two together as they are often done that way for us in life – being subservient and submissive because you are a woman. Playing these roles in the bedroom if both parties desire – totally all for it. But, when one is told to be and takes on the role without a choice is where is not only impacts how she shows up in life but also behind closed doors.
This is where many have been conditioned to be less than they are, and they are just focused on giving their time and energy to cater to the needs of the partner. This is where there is a huge energy leak within the relationship and it is time to plug that baby up!
What I find that a lot of women don’t connect the dots to is what happens behind the door will reflect what happens out in public. Now, reading this you may not think of yourself as submissive or subservient but if you are the one catering to, making sure everything is good and fine with your partner and putting them above you then it’s time to look into the mirror. But, to be honest depending on your upbringing is could be just what you are modelling, learned or conditioned to do.
But the point here is – when there is no equality at home, how can you demand it or stand for it outside of the home?
Again, this is where the full circle comes back around. It’s time to reclaim your pleasure, desires and speak and act on them. Of course, speak and act with honesty and openness with your partner but release your sexuality and reconnect into ALL of who you are.
Sex has notoriously been repressed from women for thousands of years. We are now starting to journey back to our whole authentic nature and having to reprogram the crap that has been fed to us.
It’s time to change the sexual story from one that’s disempowering to one that allows you to feel vibrant, authentic, connected, pleasurable and embodying all of you unapologetically. This is unknown territory for most, I know it was for me, and there is a lot of fear that can go with the unknown but when you be open to conversations like this then possibility is just on the other end.
Missy Garcia is a powerful sex and leadership coach for women who are desperate to escape from their dull and disconnected lives. She is warm, authentic, funny and deeply vulnerable, offering sage advice about sexuality and leadership from a raw place that has developed through her own journey of self-transformation. Missy is passionate about empowering women with tools to come back into the true beauty of who they are, guide them to open their heart to completely loving all of themselves, and totally embracing their badass queen within. She coaches women to access their inner power, be healed from within and bring back the juiciness into their life, careers and relationships.
