National Sex Day, celebrated on June 9, emphasizes the importance of sexual intimacy in relationships. However, for individuals and couples struggling with low libido, mismatched sex drives, and sexual anxiety, this day can bring undue pressure and stress. Renowned sex therapist Leigh Norén, MSc, offers valuable insights and practical advice to navigate National Sex Day without the pressure, enhancing emotional connection and intimacy instead.
Leigh Norén is a sex therapist and relationship coach with a Master of Science in Sexology. Based in Stockholm, Sweden, she specializes in helping individuals and couples all over the world overcome issues related to low libido, mismatched libidos, sexual anxiety, and relationship challenges. Leigh’s compassionate and evidence-based approach has been featured in leading publications such as Women’s Health, Thrive Global, and USA Today.
With National Sex Day approaching on June 9, Leigh gave us some invaluable insights and practical advice to help navigate this day, starting by explaining her expertise in this area:
When people hear the word “sexologist” what should they know about your expertise?
“That to be a sexologist often involves having some kind of advanced degree in human sexuality, such as a Masters or a Ph.D.. And this is important because it means a sexologist is always tailoring interventions and techniques from a place of sexual science and not their own values and ethics. Generally speaking sexologists focus on shorter-term help, whereas sex therapists tend to work longer with their clients. As I am both, I can tailor my work to the client and what specifically lends itself best to them and their difficulties.”
What are some of the main reasons people seek out a sex therapist?
“There are lots of reasons, but some of the most common ones are definitely low sex drive, mismatched sex drives in a relationship (for instance one partner wants sex several times a week whereas another wants it once a month), orgasm difficulties, and pain during sex. Oftentimes if you’re seeking help and you’re in a monogamous relationship, these issues have relationship ramifications as well, and we can help you with these simultaneously. Because your relationship impacts your sex life and your sex life impacts your relationship.”
Desire and libido changes so much over the course of our lives. What are some of the biggest factors in women, especially?
“There are so many! The biggest are definitely things such as shame and embarrassment surrounding sex or your body, stress (in general in life but about sex specifically, too, like sexual pressure and stress to have sex a certain amount of times per week or in a specific way), general overwhelm, depression & anxiety, menopause, and postpartum. Relationship factors like an unequal division of labour in the home and bitterness between partners also contributes a lot to a lack of desire.”
What do you want people to celebrate on National Sex Day, regardless of their current status?
“Ownership of their sexuality. I want people to recognize the role sex plays in their life and be honest with themselves about how they feel about that role. And so for some that might mean realizing they’re not pleased with their sex life and therefore working towards a more active, pleasurable one. For others, that might embracing never being in the mood for sex and being totally okay with that. Obligatory sexuality is something we must get away from – we should all get to decide if sex is important to us. Because it isn’t for everyone, and there’s nothing wrong with that!”
Below Leigh has shared some practical advice for couples to navigate times when libido is mismatched or low:
Understanding Low Libido and Sexual Anxiety
Low libido affects approximately 43% of women and 31% of men in the United States (National Institute of Health). Sexual anxiety further complicates intimate relationships, leading to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and emotional distance. Leigh Norén, with her extensive experience in sex therapy, provides a compassionate approach to addressing these issues.
“National Sex Day can easily turn into a day of anxiety and pressure for those with low sex drive,” says Leigh. ”But it can actually be used as an opportunity to understand and address the underlying causes of low libido and strengthen your relationship as a whole with your partner, if you want it to.”
Survival Guide for National Sex Day
Rather than experiencing nervousness about needing to be sexually intimate with your partner, National Sex Day can be an opportunity to explore your relationship and its challenges with sex. Leigh suggests several strategies for couples to celebrate National Sex Day without the pressure of sexual performance:
- Practice Open Communication: Discussing feelings and expectations openly with your partner can alleviate stress and foster a deeper emotional connection. You can find information about how to talk about sex with your partner on Leigh’s website.
- Focus on Different Forms of Intimacy: Physical closeness doesn’t always have to lead to sex. Sharing a long hug, enjoying a quiet dinner, or spending quality time together can enhance intimacy and also lead to increased libido over time.
- Address Possible Causes of Low Libido: Understanding the root causes of low libido is crucial. Leigh Norén offers a free online resource, The Desire Test, to help individuals identify potential issues affecting their sex drive.
For those struggling with persistent low libido or sexual anxiety, seeking help from a sex therapist can be transformative. Leigh’s Re:Desire Sex Drive Course is an on-demand program that provides structured guidance to rejuvenate sexual desire that does not hinge on traditional advice sex advice, such as scheduling sex or other pressuring strategies.
Additional Resources
To support couples and individuals in their journey toward a healthier sexual relationship, Leigh Norén offers a variety of intimacy tools and relationship resources on her website.
