By Caesar Rondina
“What is a woman’s fear?” A question I am asked many times, along with, “What does a man know about a woman fears?” Some may think those are difficult questions to answer. First, allow me to say, any question is difficult to answer if you do not know the answer. Unfortunately, many of the questions in life cannot be answered by what you have learned in school, because what school does not take into account is, “The Human Condition.”
Honestly, those two questions are the two easiest for this man to answer. ‘A Woman’s Fear’ has been reviewed and described as “A heartbreaking yet heartwarming book. It was for me to believe that a man could write such as book until I reviewed it.” As a writer, I believe in one simple concept. Writing is like a triangle. It has three sides. Side one, is the writer’s connection to their book. The second is the reader’s connection to the book. Finally, the third, and most important side, is side three; the reader’s connection back to the writer.
When I have successfully connected those sides, I can answer any question about my books, and most times, after a person has read my books, there are few questions left to ask.
‘A Woman’s Fear’ is a book that speaks about one of the most globally talked about topics in the world we all share. Female abuse, domestic violence, physical and sexual abuse, child abuse, and sex trafficking. A person might make the statement that anyone could look at data and figure it out. Of course, there is some data in this book to reinforce the points. However, this book gets right to the heart of the topics.
Let me answer both questions I raised when this post began. ‘A Woman’s Fear’ is a book written about a specific set of topics. I am not professing to know what all of a woman’s fears may be. I cannot and will not speak for other men, but I will speak for myself. What this writer knows about the fears discussed in this book comes for over 30 years of working as a road Paramedic as well as a career firefighter in an inner-city environment.
During my pre-hospital medical career, I had the honor and privilege to care for 76, 251 patients, and deliver 13 babies. I never kept track of the patients I had to pronounce deceased. I will tell it you this, it was far too many. Working in this environment caused me to have to care for many female victims of all types of assaults, ranging from emotional, to physical, and sexual. Some did not survive these events. However, does living through an event mean surviving it?
This is where these became such a passion for me, and I began to volunteer and work with female survivors, and still do. The first support group meeting I was invited to speak at was a very touching experience for me. I walked into a room with approximately 30 woman in it. When I walked in, I could feel the discontent, and possibly almost hatred in the eyes of many. Emotions and looks I fully understood because I have seen the aftermath of these types of events.
In many cases, the visual and emotional horror I had to experience as a health care provider while maintaining my goal of helping those who survived, and showing respect and maintaining dignity for those who did not, taught me every lesson I needed to learn. By helping women in these support groups, and becoming involved with the staff at these centers, I learned about these types of woman’s fear. They are real.
The looks I received were completely expected. How I overcame this was to listen. When I was done listening, I listened even more, until one woman spoke up and asked me a question. Our trust was built from that moment on. How can this man write this book? Through the eyes of those that experienced it. Having to testify at murder trials, as well as the numerous crime scenes I had to be involved with were all my teachers.
I held the hand of countless number of women to comfort them in the back of my ambulance knowing what they were about to experience, and in many cases, the injustice they may face. I knew what their family and children will experience, and the time it will take them to heal. Physical healing happens much quicker than emotional healing, and many times, that never resolves.
‘A Woman’s Fear’ is based on some of the stories on calls I responded to during my career, but far more that were told to me by the courageous women who trusted me, and shared their stories. These are exceptional women. Some who have healed and trying to help others, some who were in their healing process, and sadly, some that may never heal but cling to the hope that they will. The stories, data, and experiences in this book are encompassed by the main theme; PREVENTION and AWARENESS.
The first step in prevention is awareness. It is the innate behavior of people to avoid what they do not want to hear about. That is the perpetrators best tool. Is female abuse new? No, it has been going on for decades, and in some cultures is still an accepted practice. Through the media, and with woman now starting to speak out, the topic is now more publicized. I was asked by one woman in a support group, “I was never raped, but my ex always hit me. What else is there is to be afraid of” I replied, “We should never be afraid of what we read about or hear about on the news. We need to fear and prevent the things we don’t hear about.”
What you read about in the newspaper, online, or what you hear about on the news, is the smallest fraction of what actually happens on a daily basis in some form in each town, city, and state. No man under normal circumstances could ever justify to me why they abused any woman. It is not acceptable. Women have achieved what decades ago was considered impossible.
That should not be viewed as a threat, or be a cause for abuse. Rather, it should be embraced for the wonderful things women bring to society. In closing, this is why I wrote A Woman’s Fear, and why I can write about it. I lived it in my own way, day after day; year after year; patient after patient; for over 30 years. This book clearly explains why these topics are a passion for me.
Caesar Rondina was born and raised in Connecticut. As an author, businessman, educator, paramedic, master boat captain, and father to three adult children, he has also attended universities in the fields of Education and Business Management. Caesar Rondina has completed extended studies in the fields of electronics, medicine, and boating. His books are influenced by his experience as a paramedic, educator, and retired professional firefighter. During his medical career, Caesar Rondina has provided medical care for over 76,000 patients: listening to over 76,000 stories, both tragic and joyous, that have inspired his writing.
So many good points you have made here Mr. Rondina! ? Thank you