10 Dating Tips You Should Never Ever Follow

dating-advice

By Nina Elcao

 

Ladies, I’m here to save you. For too long I have noticed popular dating advice that detracts the key ingredient of attracting the man you deserve – being yourself. So before you decide to makeover what’s already in top condition, look over these common “tips” which actually sabotage your chances of dating success.

10. “Be Nice To Everyone”

A valid suggestion in theory, but the generalization is what bugs me. Being “nice to everyone” only allows room for a two-dimensional character (i.e Minnie Mouse). She has no opposing opinion, no unique voice. I say if you got it, bring out your edge! Whatever makes you, you. Don’t growl at every male who walks by, but be a little selective. You can still treat others with respect without being a pushover or succumbing to a cartoon persona for the rest of your life. “Nice” and “assertive” are adjectives; the world just doesn’t know it, yet.

9. “Don’t Come On Too Strong”

The cousin of the previous tip. I agree that groping the poor guy or admitting your future kid’s name is overboard, but a date is an ideal way to get to the bottom of what you’re looking for. I have been on dates where we literally laid out everything that’s important — what we can or can’t tolerate, why our last relationship didn’t work — and not only was this successful, but refreshing. These types of “rules” put fear in women, and the last thing you need is to be afraid about asking or saying something that’s “too bold”. Be honest with your needs and wants. Remember, you are finding someone who fits YOU, not adapting to what HE needs. If you scare the guy away, thank him for revealing his cards early so you can move on.

8. “Eat As Much As Him On The First Date”

Whether you order a salad or a filet, I can guarantee your date won’t notice. He is more concerned with your body language and how strong the connection is when you lock eyes and share interests. If for some absurd reason he places assumptions by how much you can or can’t eat, then get rid of the loser. Personally, I love salads. Does that make me obsessed about my weight? No. (It means I love the fatty dressings.) Anyway, you do you, girl. Eat whatever your little heart desires, and if he opposes – he’s picking up the tab.

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7. “Stay Mysterious”

I am a firm believer of being an open book. That doesn’t mean share your entire life story by date two, but there needs to be a strong bridge of communication if you plan on staying with this guy. “Mysterious” only works when you’ve noticed a cute face across the room and you want him to approach you. After that, you may not want to cover up all that is unique and beautiful. This is YOUR life and he should want to know all about it. Let him ask, but make sure you share a little once he does. It will feel great knowing he accepts all of the above versus hoping he will because you’re hiding behind this silly mask.

6. “Make It Easy For Men To Date You”

What does this even mean!? Why are women catering to a male’s ease of courtship? Of course a date should be easy. If two souls mesh well, it’s smooth sailing! It’s cloud nine! It’s (insert another phrase pertaining to euphoria here)! The only work that should be involved is resisting kissing the crap out of each other’s faces because of how fluid the conversation and attraction is. Women are NOT the sole keepers of making a date effortless. Both sexes are responsible and I refuse to have you believe otherwise.

5. “Always Look Your Best Every Hour Of Every Day”

Yes, this advice is real, floating around on the interweb – and it begs for my disapproval. Assuming you groom yourselves regularly, women have no obligation to look “spectacular” every hour of the day. I have gotten attention wearing ripped jeans and a tank top along with a sundress and fedora. I was even asked out by attractive guys on days I didn’t shower! It truly does not matter once you’ve met a guy who is interested. Also, heels are fabulous and all, but when I’m going to Rite Aid, it’s highly unnecessary. I don’t care if Ryan Gosling is there and has finally built up the courage to ask me out. He will do it while I’m wearing flats and he will like it.

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4. “Stay Sexy and Confident”

I hate to break it to whoever wrote this piece of advice, but most women are not naturally confident. With no thanks to these rules and society’s expectations, our gender is constantly battling how to “have it all” while being the hottest female in the world. We worry too much about what “sexy” and “confident” even mean that we forget to be ourselves when faced with a potential partner. Of course I want you to feel these traits when meeting your match, but that won’t come unless you recognize your self-worth and love that kick-ass person. My tip would be: Focus On Loving Yourself. The rest will fall into place.

3. Do Not Look At Other Men

If men can use the “it’s in my animalistic nature” excuse, then we can, too. I’m not saying to actively make your date jealous by noticing every six-foot-tall hunk who walks into the establishment (when does this actually happen, anyway?). I AM saying to ditch the fear of “behaving appropriately” and let your eyes wander wherever they’d like. If you’re having a great date, chances are nothing will be noticeable around you. This is the 21st century, ladies. We can show our ankles. Let’s keep acting like it.

2. Wait To Text Him Back

These games are a drag. If you like a guy, respond when you see his message. Act like a relaxed human being and have a conversation. Don’t wait until your laundry’s done to answer a question if you really want to chat. Why torture yourself? This goes for men, too. Neither sex should place a precedent on when to talk to someone who tickles their fancy. My suggestion? Text him back NOW. Your youth is passing you by the more minutes you wait to respond! You could be on the beach, in his arms, by now.

1. Act/Think Like A Man

This is another great example of women catering to a man’s dating game. If a guy was told to think like a girl, he would discredit the source and continue acting like himself. So why don’t we, ladies? Try to understand the opposite gender all you’d like, but the real magic in dating is finding a common ground – a foundation of love, fun, and respect both partners feel secure with. You have MANY exceptional, unicorn traits that are waiting to be discovered by a great guy. Please don’t surrender them to how you “should” act or be.

You are enough, soul sister.

 

nina-elcao

Nina is a twenty-something blogger who delivers witty views on dating, quarter-life crises, and gender equality. Originally a New Yorker now living in Los Angeles, Nina holds nothing back while exposing the truths in relationships and sharing her own experiences. She is a big believer of promoting female empowerment and self-worth. Nina also directs music videos, produces online content, and loves pugs. A lot.
 

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